Project MotherHOOD with Alena Gerst Dailey
I am a married mother of two and own my private psychotherapy practice. I am a health and wellness writer working on my second book. I write at home and practice psychotherapy in an office.
How would you define Motherhood in your own terms?
When people ask me what it is like to be a mother, I tell them it is simultaneously impossible to convey, and also everything they have ever heard it can be. Wonderful, challenging, exhausting, delightful, worrisome, beautiful, and just about every other adjective in the dictionary. So I don't really have my own terms...I'm a mom. I would lay down my life for my kids. They are the reason I do everything now. They are the basis for all of my decisions, from moment to moment, and year to year.
What part of Motherhood can you give thanks to helping you see life differently?
Having a child was a leap of faith for me. I was not as sure about becoming a mother as some women are. Pregnancy was uncomfortable for me. I worried about not getting enough sleep or exercise or downtime after having a baby. I was afraid I would no longer enjoy the health I had prioritized for so long.
People said things to me like, "Enjoy [whatever you're doing] now! You won't be able to do that anymore after baby comes!" Those sorts of statements worried me because I liked my life. I just hoped I liked my baby enough to give all that up.
I was in for the shock of my life when my daughter was born with a life-threatening infection, spinal meningitis. She was whisked to the NICU after birth before I could even hold her. During her nearly month-long stay in the NICU, an inner Mama Bear I never new existed awakened in me.
While I was consulting with neonatologists and infectious disease specialists, signing consents to spinal taps and PICC lines in her head, I was also making demands and challenging doctors in a way I never had before. I woke myself up every 3-4 hours to pump breast milk for her because I believed it was the best thing for her healing.
My husband and I spent every waking minute with her at the hospital during the day. We declined all family visitors until she was safely at home. I could not risk having any distractions. Nothing on earth mattered to me more than my child.
Now, as my children grow, of course I have integrated my professional interests and hobbies back into my life. But that Mama Bear will always be a part of me now, ready to rise up whenever necessary without a moment's hesitation.
We do our best and can't do it all. Where do you allow yourself to be unapologetic as a Mother?
I definitely do not read as much as I used to, which is not great news for a writer. I have a few daily and weekly publications I prioritize, and other than that, my attention is divided between my family and work. I do see less of my friends since becoming a mom. I'm not exactly unapologetic, but I am grateful for their patience as the time between our visits has stretched while my kids are still little. And catching up with them when we do get together is so important to me.
How has Motherhood inspired you?
I was 38 when I had my first child, and my professional identity was a big part of my life. I had this fear that becoming a mother would negatively impact my professional life. But I have found the opposite to be true. Motherhood has made me more clear about my professional goals. I became less willing to take on tasks or put in hours on tasks that I cared little about, because whatever I agree to do means time away from my family.
My professional decision-making has been driven by interests that energize me, and will allow for me to build my work schedule around my kids' needs. Having kids brought my short and long-term goals into sharp focus.
A must do for you when your energy is low.
I am definitely someone who needs adequate sleep. Fortunately my husband can get by with less. I enjoy waking up with the kids and drinking my morning coffee at the table while they eat breakfast. But when my energy dips, I am lucky my husband is also happy to take the morning shift and let me catch up on sleep.
One of two: A note of compassion you want to offer a Mother reading this. Preferably something that might/could have been comforting to you at one point of time. OR Note to self.
Some days are complete "wins" with my kids, and other days are tougher. I constantly have to remind myself, especially at the end of harder days, that my kids are loved, they have everything they need, and I am enough.
Thank you Alena!
