Project MotherHOOD with Apryl López
I am the unexpected single mother. Sometime people don't believe I have a child, I don't know how that makes me feel. I have been a single mom since the beginning, pregnancy and all. I was in a relationship with my sons father for 4 years prior to pregnancy and it all seemed very healthy. Fast forward he is not present in my sons life at all.
Being a single parent is the single most hardest thing I've had to do in my life this far. I enjoy it now but it's been a long tough journey. I aspire to be in a coparenting relationship with my sons father but have had nothing but several failed attempts. After regretfully allowing the court system to intervene to enforce financial support and visitation I'm afraid our parenting relationship has been strained.
I work a somewhat full time job that allows me to spend time with my son have the weekend off as well as pick him up and drop him off at school. The job is at a hotel and isn't my passion or glamorous in any sense, but it's 4 days a week, flexible and pays the bills.
I have worked the typical 9-5 job in which I thought I was following my dreams aka what I studied in college but it turned out I was just following what I thought was the norm. After my son was born I realized how much I wanted a different life. I hated leaving him with a babysitter for hours on end to go to a job I hardly enjoyed. I remember moments of sadness when I would cry thinking about how much I disliked my life away from him. I left my soul sucking job as part of a mutual separation agreement between my boss and I that was facilitated by the Human Resources department. I was then able to stay home with my son for a few more months. Since that experience I vowed to not let a job I didn't completely enjoy come between my life outside of it.
It's easier now that he's school aged but I am also starting to realize that I've tailored my life around his living which I'm satisfied with.
How do you define Motherhood?
MotherHOOD is everything. It's loving someone more than you ever thought you were capable of for no reason at all. It's your heart pounding outside your chest in the body of another little being that walks and talks and is not physically connected to you but you can still feel every beat as though it was in your chest.
What are a few things you like to do that help you recharge your batteries?
I like to write. It helps me get all the things I'm feeling out. Writing also makes me aware of how blessed I truly am. Having a child is challenging at times. Writing about it as well as how I reach small victories helps me get back to the starting line and ready to run the race again.
Another thing I like to do is just sit alone by the water and breathe. I like to try and clear my mind and take notice of all the small miracles that are not directly related to me. Breathing may sound silly because duh everyone breathes, but really taking note of the breath helps my mind settle and leaves me with a more focused clarity.
Physically, I discovered yoga about a year ago. It was hard at first but it has helped me look at life a lot differently. Yoga has pointed me in the right direction of accepting myself and the choices I have made.
Is there a Mother that has inspired your journey and if so, how?
The mother that has inspired my journey is my own mother. While choosing my own mom seems inevitable, I have always been her number one fan. I have always wanted to be just like her until a recent struggle with her life choices has made me feel differently. Never the less she is still an inspiration. She has inspired me with her devotion to her kids regardless of the situation. She just keeps going despite the odds against her.
Once my parents divorced I still saw my father but also saw the struggle of everyday life as one of three children in a single parent home. Despite the challenges she faced she always put her children's needs in front of hers. She is a sincerely giving woman who is never judgemental.
How has Motherhood inspired you?
MotherHOOD has inspired me in my way of thinking about everything and reacting. It changed me in the way I give.There have been times when I've watched my son doing the simplest things without thinking twice about what choice he is making.
Thinking about the hurdles I have to jump over each day MotherHOOD has forced me to observe what I want the outcome to be. In every interaction I have I try take a step back and ask myself if I'm reacting out of love and how much better the result would be if I did. I've become more aware of people and individual circumstances that make up a whole. Being able to look at the bigger picture and not stress the small things that will not hold significance in the future. Watching how often children have disagreements with their best friends only to truly forgive and forget moments later has inspired me to try to be the same. I aspire to be something that special.
What's your favorite beauty must do when you are feeling exhausted on the inside?
When I'm exhausted on the inside my favorite beauty must do is taking a few minutes to myself to recharge. It doesn't quite seem like a beauty must do but I like to lie down and clear my mind for at least 10 minutes before I tackle the next thing. This usually happens when we get home in the evening and right before dinner.
One of two: A note of compassion you want to offer a Mother reading this. Preferably something that might/could have been comforting to you at one point of time. OR Note to self.
Dear amazing momma,
It gets easier.
When it seems like there aren't enough hours in the day to feel accomplished, the reality is there's always tomorrow. Enjoy the moments you have with your child. The "oh crap what am I doing moments" as well as the mother of the year moments these are what this journey is about. One of my favorite things to do is to watch my son while he's asleep, it always reminds me how peaceful he is. It makes all the tornado moments worth it, the calm before the storm is always a prelude to the fresh smell after.
Thank you Apryl
@Apryl_Lopez
