Project MotherHOOD with Susana Cardona
About Susana
Cortez is my 1st baby but i have 2 step-daughters. I have a life partner and we both are FT working parents. I work for a luxury Tequila line based out of Mexico so it allows for a bit of flexibility within my schedule, as I am able to work remotely. I think the biggest misconception of home-based work is that you are able to both parent and work in the same space and do both flawlessly. WRONG! I've had to rent outside office space to get work done because when I'm home and Cortez is home, there is NO work time. It can be difficult to not have a base but I've found that being almost tyrannical about scheduling about time management works really well. I also do not subscribe to guilt-based mothering. When it's mama time, it's mama time. No apologies. No explanations. I'm a bit of a hard-core feminist that way and it's gotten me through some pretty tough times with this lifestyle overhaul called "parenting."
The term motherhood is changing. How would you define the word MotherHOOD as it relates to you in this day of age?
Most folks hate the taboo comparisons I make between motherhood and being a crack addict. I don't think there's much logic to motherhood at all. It's all emotion, it's all a psychological mind fuck in the most delicious kind of way and only other parents will understand what I mean--especially moms. You go into it thinking "I'm going to crush this shit" but what ends up happening is you get crushed by it. There is no training camp, no game plans and you are NEVER ready your first time around. I've never associated complete exhaustion with happiness but it in this scenario the two ideas work hand in hand. Motherhood makes you eat all of your own bullshit. Whatever you did not deal with in your prior non-mom years, whatever issues unresolved or dark spaces you never wanted to look--babies FORCE you to deal with that shit one way or another. You either sink or swim and often times it feels like more of a chaotically beautiful aquatic ballet where you do both-- sinking and swimming interchangeably. Motherhood took me at least a full year to really embrace. I didn't have a great time the first few months and I never was kissed by that magically happy baby fairy. It was a life overhaul for me and I was really enjoying my single, non-baby life. But life knows when you're ready and life gave me Cortez. My most beautiful creation. He's almost 2 now and I still stare at him and cannot believe what I've made. It's incredible.
Motherhood is hard for all of us, what part of it has been hard for you?
Believe it or not, the hardest part for me what the self-adjustment of living your life around a person who isn't even 2 feet tall. I remember myself saying how I'd never be one of those crazy parents who plans their every move and leaves no time for blissful spontaneity. Hilarious! The schedule is life. It's the bible and the koran and the holiest of scriptures. It's my key to sanity! I realize that the my self-identity has evolved and that was a hard one to let evolve. I spent so many years getting to a place where I was happy with who I was, how I looked, how I thought. I was happy being "me." Then that "me" was forced to change. I had to develop and learn a whole new segment of my identity and it was really hard. I thought I was a pretty evolved and woke woman but I guess you really never do stop learning and growing. Letting go of ideology and thoughts of what I assumed motherhood would look or feel like was tough. I've had to make it my own and even though I hate to admit it, my own mother has played a huge part in this development.
We do our best and can't do it all. Where do you allow yourself to be unapologetic as a Mother?
I allow myself to be tired. To be messy in my apartment (which is a tough one still). I allow myself to be mushy and be "THAT" mom that cries every day when she drops off her kid at daycare week 1 (true story). I've had moments when I come home so exhausted that we've settled for peanut butter and banana sandwiches for dinner. I've had moments when I'm so busy at work that my apartment looks like a straight war zone every day for weeks. I've had weeks where I've just worn a hat every day because I can't muster up the strength to actually comb it--just as long as Cortez is clean and looking fresh, we are okay. I've had moments where I turn to my partner and say "I can't today. I just want to go get a manicure and eat pizza and be left alone." I don't fuss about what dad makes for dinner or if be puts the baby down on time. I just leave. I find that this can be difficult with a lot of couples because each parent thinks they're doing shit the "right" way. I've decided that my sanity comes first and just as long as our son isn't in any immediate danger, dada can rock out with french fries for dinner all he wants.
How has Motherhood shaped or inspired you?
Motherhood has given me a crazy surge of creative energy and motivation. I want my son to feel proud of who I am. I want him to see a go-getter so I won't stop. I use motherhood as a badge of honor but also as an open dialogue for other Women who are exploring, have questions or are just starting. I feel like I wasn't a "mommy" mom, I'm still not. This was very isolating for me because I wasn't so into the shower or the nursery decorations. I'm still not. I want my kid to have good character and be a stand up young man and loving human being. I care more about that then what outfits or mommy circles I subscribe to. It's also opened up my eyes to the world of non-mommy types--hence why I launched Mamish_NY. When people would say "or you're a mommy now" I'd always respond "-ish." It's also shown me how gross Western society is and how much important information is being left out of the larger conversation. Everything isn't beautiful Pinterest pictures and Babies R Us. I'm here for the moms who don't subscribe to the hype, who are looking to grow and flourish as whole beings and serve as great examples to their children and all the kids in their life. I believe in communal upbringing. I don't believe it all just falls on dad and I.
What's your favorite beauty go to when you are not feeling your, but works as a quick pick me up?
Eyebrows and red lipstick are my most important beauty rituals. If my eyebrows are done and I have a good shade of rouge on, I feel like SUSANA! When brows are bushy and I'm walking around bare lipped for days on end I feel like Susana. I find that brows and lips are powerful communicative features on Women and they say a lot. I want mine to say "KILLING IT!"
One of two: A note of compassion you want to offer a Mother reading this. Preferably something that might/could have been comforting to you at one point of time. OR Note to self.
Dear new Mami--
Nothing will ever be the same. Accept this. Start loving yourself first. Be kind to yourself just as you are kind to your new baby. Be patient with yourself and the world. Be present. Cry. A lot. Just cry. It feels better. Fuck the gym. Fuck the diet. And if you can and when you're ready, Fuck. It also makes shit feel better. Throw all of those expectations out the window. Don't speak too much to other moms with much older children--they've long forgotten the stage you're in and now just look back with nostalgia. Don't worry. You will do the same. It will get better. It will get better. IT WILL GET BETTER. You can ABSOLUTELY DO THIS. You were whole before. You are way more badass now. It will get better. Give it time. Life is long. Get comfortable.
Love,
@Mamish_NY
