Project MotherHOOD with Alana Marie Urda

I work full time but in a variety of places: Artistic Director/Co-founder at Amalgamate Dance Co.(home office), Teaching Artist/Choreographer at New York City Center & Kids Company (in studios/schools), freelance choreographer (travel), and Asst. Director of AS at The Trinity School (office) I live in NYC. I am married to my husband of almost 10 yrs, Nick, and have a 3 year old.

Traditionally, the term Motherhood is changing. How would you define MotherHOOD as it relates to you in this day of age?

Motherhood is different for me than it is for my neighbor or someone in a different country, but I imagine we’re all doing somethings similar: loving our children and awaiting our next daily challenge or accomplishment. For me (at least at this stage) it’s balancing work life, finding time and energy to be creative, juggling schedules with my husband, reading our sons school newsletter, planning family fun activities, making ends meet and squeezing in a conversation about “what’s next”. Do we stay in the city and buy a house in the Catskills? Are we putting enough into our retirement? And the ever daunting conversation NYC parents have about what school will our kid will go to? Long story short, motherhood to me is whatever you make it. You want to stay home with your kid - find the willpower to make it your truth. You want to work and raise kids -do it (personally we’ve loved using daycare and so does our little guy). My husband cooks, while I take out the trash, we mix it all up, all the time.

What misconceptions about Motherhood did you know would not stand true for you?

For city folks: “Once you have kids you’ll move to the suburbs.” That hasn’t happened yet. We’ve survived 3+ years in our little box that has everything we need. Or the saying, “everything becomes about the baby.” We’ve chosen to still celebrate each other’s birthdays, pursue our dreams and whatnot; however the verdict is still out on how much we base our lives around “nap time”.

We do our best and can't do it all. Where do you allow yourself to be unapologetic as a Mother?

Firstly, hands down I pick and chose my battles with tantrums. Secondly, perfectionism, my “i’s” may not be dotted and my t’s may not be crossed in some of my work (ugh!) but life goes on and lastly, I unapologetically wear my “mom button down jean shirt” 24/7. Ask my husband, or neighbor Jess. Also, I’m learning to be a little less apologetic about doing things for me again. If I’m not nourishing myself (friend time, dates, spiritually) how can I expect to nourish someone else?

How has Motherhood inspired you?

Motherhood has inspired me to do what I say. If I tell Beckett he needs to problem solve or not be lazy I need to make sure I’m living out that example too. Motherhood has inspired some wonderful community mama friendships and raw conversations, you should see our group text thread! Sewing into these relationships has been one of life’s greatest treasures through Beckett’s first 3 yrs. They say “yes” when you need help. A community that gives and asks for nothing in return. Doing life together with people and letting it all hang out is pure gold.

What's your favorite beauty must do when you are feeling exhausted on the inside and on the go?

If I’ve got 2 minutes, it’s plugging in my flat iron in and giving a little shape to hair.

One of two: A note of compassion you want to offer a Mother reading this. Preferably something that might/could have been comforting to you at one point of time. OR Note to self.

For those of you who are artists and thinking of having kids, or anyone really. How do you make it work? Share the load with your spouse or friends, family, etc. Make sacrifices for one another. The day after Beckett was born we uprooted our lives to be in CT for two months so my husband could do an acting job. Last summer he let me go to Italy (kid free!) for 2 weeks to produce a dance event. We live in seasons of little and sometimes abundance. One thing always seems to work: We keep putting our heads together to pray, vision and communicate where we are and where we want to go. Who knows what it will all look like once we’re old and grey but at least we can say we tried our best.

Thank you! @alanaurda