Project Motherhood with Rebecca Murphy

In what ways has motherhood been hard af on you?

Being a single parent, in a situation unlike anyone else I’ve ever met, it’s hard to relate to other parents. It can be lonely and I’m often envious. I’m here by myself. No father on weekends, holidays, no family members to step in and give me a break. It’s hard to ask other parents or friends to help. I end up feeling obligated to them and I’m already depleted in terms of time and energy. I can’t remember a time that I didn’t feel overwhelmed as a parent.

I’m a mother and a full time college student. It’s a 24/7 job without breaks or me time. I envy other moms when they have time and energy to workout, do their hair or nails, or go out to dinner or events with friends. It makes the hairs on my neck go up when I hear someone say they know what I’m going through because they have kids. Especially when I know they have a partner, parttime or full-time, and family members who can provide free childcare with no strings attached.

In what ways are you not letting motherhood define what you can do or who you can be?

I’m totally letting motherhood define who I am and what I can be. I’m ok with that. Society expects us to play all parts. I read something once about how people want you to raise kids like you don’t work and work like you are not raising kids. I spent the first part of my son’s life hustling and trying to do both. But at the end of the day I was not rewarded with a medal. I was just overly exhausted, burnt out and my son was suffering too. It was painful to leave him with sitters who couldn’t care less about him. So I adapted. I let motherhood define who I had to become so that my son wouldn’t be without the most important thing of all: a mother! My son is only going to be a child for a very short time. I’m not going to get a do over or another opportunity. So I’m ok with motherhood defining what I can or can not do right now. Even when I’m envious of other parents who have more leisure time, or the time, energy and support to be a parent with a career.