Project Motherhood with Jennifer Clemendore

My journey into motherhood started out tough and got even tougher along the way. I was the girl with the plan and marriage, babies, white picket fence, stay-at-home mom was the dream. But, you know what they say, you make plans and God laughs. My first pregnancy happened quickly after marriage and ended just as quickly with a miscarriage. It was the toughest thing for me to accept at the time. But, three years later we welcomed a baby girl and motherhood fit me like a glove. As hard as it was to juggle full-time mom with full-time work, I thought I had it all figured out and we started trying for another baby shortly after. Because, obviously, part of my plan was having babies close in age so they could grow up together, but three more miscarriages over a 5 year span broke me. Each one requiring multiple surgeries and procedures. My daughter was begging for a sibling, my body was rejecting every pregnancy and with each loss I grew more scared that I’d never have another baby. This was not the journey to motherhood that I expected. This was NOT part of my plan. I was failing myself, my babies, my family. Despite how tough it got, I never gave up though.

Something happened with that fifth pregnancy and it stuck. My body allowed this baby to flourish inside of me. My babies wouldn’t be close in age and my dream didn’t go as planned, but I was going to have a baby boy! And simultaneously, my marriage broke. My family fell apart and the vision I had of my perfect little family of 4 vanished before my eyes. I was expecting the rainbow baby that I fought for for years and I was also losing my husband. Talk about tough. I wasn’t equipped for this (or so I thought), I didn’t sign up for this. I was not going to be a stay-at-home mom to my two babies like I had always dreamed, I would be a single mom to a newborn and 8 year old. Struggling to make ends meet and sharing custody, it felt like a bad dream, a nightmare, nothing close to the life I’d imagined for myself and my kids. If this isn’t tough, I don’t know what is. I do know that the fight was worth it though. I fought for both of those babies with everything inside me because my biggest dream in life was to be a mother. And, even though my life with them is completely different than I expected, I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Everyday is tough, everyday has its challenges that differ from the day before, but I know that I am better with them and my life is full of joy because of them.